WHAT IS HAPPINESS? AND WHEN WILL I REALLY FIND IT?

Pain is what we feel when our soul touches evil. Happiness is what we feel when our soul
touches love.

I used to think that happiness was something I had to find, to build, and to chase after.
Like the sun in the sky, I knew it was there in front of me, but at the moment - like so
many moments before - it was out of reach. So I ran towards it, figuring if I ran hard and
fast enough, someday I would get close enough to actually touch it, and it would be mine.
That day never came - no matter how high I reach, how hard I run, the sun will always be
out of reach.
Depressing? Hardly. Because what I have discovered is that while I will never be able to
physically touch the sun during my time on earth, its warmth and its light have always
been available to me. I don't have to do anything to earn it - all I need to do is accept
its gifts, and feel the warmth and enlightenment it adds to my life.
The same holds true for happiness. It is available to me each moment of each day; it is a
gift, and I only have to learn to receive it. And that I am doing. A shared smile, playing
with my children, tender caressing with my wife, a good joke - there are countless
opportunities to experience true happiness each day, and for most of my life, i missed
many of them.
Sure, but what if you've got serious problems? It's not my problems that stand in the way
of my happiness; its my attitude in dealing with those problems that makes the real
difference. I am learning.
And I no longer want happiness as a continual state. My goal is to become more of a truly
loving person each day; it is no longer one of getting as much happiness as I can. The
happiness I receive will be a natural consequence, and I will get all I need.
Like many others, I know what happiness is when I feel it, but was at a loss for a long
time to define it. In my diary writing, one day I came across an understanding that felt
right to me. It may or may not make sense to you.
Happiness is what I feel when my soul touches genuine love. That's about as simple as I
can make it.
What do I mean? When I receive love from another person or God, or act in a loving manner
toward another human being or myself, I am happy when I become aware of that love, when I
touch it inside.
If you look at the last sentence, one of the things you may notice is that receiving love
from another person is only one of four ways I can experience happiness. The discovery
that I didn't have to rely on anyone else for the majority of my happiness has been a huge
liberation. I have also discovered that, while there are those who are unwilling or unable
to give love at times, there are many others who I can count on when I need to.
Happiness is a reward, a natural high that soothes and promotes further healing of the
physical, emotional, and spiritual parts of me. It is God's way of letting us know that
love will give us the best feelings we could ever experience. It is the ultimate positive
reinforcement.
It is not meant to be a perpetual state, however - at least not in this lifetime. Because
in my search to become a more loving person, I must struggle with past and present pain,
learn to face it, and learn to let it go.
It is my belief that there is something even more wonderful and magical than happiness.
What it is, I do not know. For now, my main work with happiness involves learning to see
and experience it when each opportunity comes my way, and achieving greater understanding
that it is yet one more wonderful gift that will help me tremendously on my journey of
recovery.