I've had a lot of diffculty with the "God" and "Higher Power"
thingees. For a long while, I couldn't get a picture, or a feel, or what
either was, or could be.
  In hindsight, I think one of the things that made coming to my
"understanding" was that I had been fed so much crap about "who" God was
- an angry, destructive, burn-in-hell-if-you-don't-believe-in-me kind of
spirit. He also seeemed very 2 faced, voicing the need to love at one
moment, then drowning almost everyone on earth the next.
  God, whatever form he/she/whatever may exist in, has gotten a bad rap
by many people that, to me, seem hell bent on using his/her name for
power and control, rather than spreading genuine love. I guess, in
typing this, I realize there is still a very angry teenager inside of me
who is furious at the brainwashing my inner child went through, that
really shook his trust in his inner spirituality during a period of life
when I needed it most.
  I don't know much about whatever spiritual reality exists outside of
the real world I can touch with my 5 senses. But then, I can't visualize
trillions of tiny atoms, with even tinier electrons, that now make up my
body. Or even my trillions of cells. But I am fairly certain they exist.
I imagine them best I can, and I know that is all my puny brain can
do<G>.
  I feel the presence of a spiritual force in my life every day. I think
the magic of that force, the wonder of it, goes far beyond anything I
can imagine. Like listening to a wonderful song, the only thing that
really matters is feeling it, letting it caress me inside. When I
analyze a song to death, I lose it's magic.
  I belive in God, but it is just a universallly recognized name for
"something very wonderful and mysterious out there", to me. It may be
one being, it may be much much more. I dunno.
  But I know that there is a very spiritual part of me. I know that
whenever I think of a loving spirit guiding me through the maze of life,
my body gets warm inside, and a smile appears on my face. I call that a
truth smile - I can never utter a loving spiritual truth, without that
same kind of smile appearing on my face.
  In my mind, I've seen the caring face of a loving guide walking beside
me, tears in his wise, kind eyes in times when I was going thru great
pain. I felt my guide wrap his arms around me. Sometimes I need female
hugs, and I can sense and feel those from other kind unknown souls,
cradling myself in their arms.
  Einstein, who was no dummy, expressed boyish wonder at the magic of
God as he knew him, throughout his life. The child inside me knows God,
and knows him/her well. And the small boy has a pipeline to this whole
msytery of spirtuality and love, that I'm discovering more and more, as
I get to know him better. I smile when I think that there was never any
line "blessed are the adults"...instead, it was "Blessed are the
children":) I think that's a good clue.
  To feel my hugs, it doesn't matter whether you call me Bernd, Joe,
Marshmellow, or whatever. I exist, whether you believe I do or not.
Whether I call him/her God, Allah, Rumplestilskin, or whatever, doesn't
matter to him/her either, I believe. His/her hugs, love, and guidance,
and that of all the love that exists from whatever other spirits or
souls flow thru us and around us, is always availble to us. All I have
to do is accept it, that's all. Like accepting a gift with a ribbon on
it from a kind, dear friend. And this friend never seems to run out of
gifts!<G>.
  Also, I've found that genuine love never, ever forces anything on
anyone. It always flows thru invitation only, thru my willingness  to
accept it. And it never comes with conditions; if I chose not to accept
it this moment, or this day, that's ok. It will always be there, waiting
for me, for whenever I do want it.
  Today, I am at a lot more peace with "God", than I ever was. There's a
gentle faith inside that it doesn't matter how little I understand the
"spiritual world". If one exists, I'll find out what "God" is soon
enough<G>, give or take 30 or 40 years.
  In the meantime, like a song that's inside me, instead of trying to
"tell" others about how the song goes, and what it looks like on paper,
I just try to share the music I hear inside. If my choices, my emotions,
my exictement, my tears, and hugs touch someone inside, then I know that
my inner child and theirs have just spoken, wordlessly, together. The
more they hear their inner child themselves, and feel it, the more that
child will take them toward "God", or their "HP", and their own
wonderful, magical spirituality. The child does it better than anyone
can. THEY know the way to heaven.:)